OPENINGS
SECULAR OPENINGS
#1 Secular Opening
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. That is impossible. It is even a disservice to pretend it is possible. Yet that is what most of us demand. We have such little faith in the ebb and flow of life and of love and of relationships. We leap forward at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb, for we are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanence, on duration, on continuity. But the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity and in freedom, as dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in creating the same pattern. I speak now to Groom and Bride of love, in which, the trust and freedom of the other person becomes as significant as the trust and freedom of one's self. I speak to them of generosity, which gathers the beauty of earth for riches and the kindness which turns away the wrath of foolish men and women. I speak of all our hopes for their continued growth through patience, one for the other. May Groom and Bride keep the vows made on this day, in freedom, teaching each other who they are, what they yet shall be, enabling them to know that, in the fullness of being, they are more than themselves and more than each other, that they are all of us and that together we share joyously the fruits of life on this Earth, our home.
#2 Secular Opening
Groom, when you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. That is impossible. It is even a lie to pretend it is possible. And yet that is exactly what most of us demand. We insist on permanence, on duration, on continuity. The only continuity possible in life as in love is in growth, in fluidity, and in freedom, as dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in creating the same pattern. Bride, the only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not even in hoping. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back nostalgically to what it was, nor forward in dread or anticipation to what it might be. It is loving in the present relationship, accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, which one must accept for what they are here and now with their limits, islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continually visited and abandoned by the tide. One must accept the security of the ebb and flow of intimacy.
#3 Secular Opening
Marriage Joins Two People In The Circle Of Its Love Edmund O'Neill (b. 1929) Marriage is a commitment to life, the best that two people can find and bring out in each other. It offers opportunities for sharing and growth that no other relationship can equal. It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime. Within the circle of its love, marriage encompasses all of life's most important relationships. A wife and a husband are each other's best friend, confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic. And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing, and the love of the other may resemble the tender caring of a parent or child.
Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher, commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly. Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, new ways of expressing a love that is deeper than life. When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.
#4 Secular Opening
Love is a great thing, and thorough good. By itself, it makes everything that is heavy, light, and it bears evenly all that is uneven. Love carries a burden which is no burden; it will not be kept back by anything low and mean; it desires to be free from all worldly affectations and not to be entangled by any outward prosperity or by adversity subdued. Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above its strength, and pleads no excuse of impossibility. Love is therefore able to undertake all things, and it completes many things and warrants them to take effect, where he or she who does not love would faint and lie down. Though weary, love is not tired; though pressed, love is not straightened; though alarmed, love is not confounded; but as a living flame, it forces its way upward and securely passes through all. Love is active and sincere.
#5 Secular Opening
We come together, not to mark the start of a relationship but to recognize a bond that already exists. This marriage is one expression of the many varieties of love. Love is one, though its expressions are infinite. It is fitting to speak briefly about love. We live in a world of joy and fear and search for meaning and strength in the seeming disorder. We discover the truest guideline to our quest when we realize love in all its magnitudes. Love is the eternal force of life. Love is the force that allows us to face fear and uncertainty with courage. But, you must "be of love a little more careful than of anything." For the giving of yourself in love is difficult: you must learn to give of your love without total submission of yourself. Therefore, in your giving, give your joy, your sadness, your interest, your understanding, and your knowledge–all expressions that make up life. But in this giving, remember to preserve yourself–your integrity, your individuality. This is the challenge of love within marriage.
#6 Secular Opening
There is a skill to marriage, as there is to any activity people engage in. This art requires that we pay thoughtfulness to the little things as well as the big ones that are part of the closeness of matrimony. Develop the capacity to forgive and forget and heal quarrels as they happen. Say, "I love you" and speak words of appreciation often. Do not come to take each other for granted, and demonstrate your gratitude in thoughtful ways. Never grow too old to hold hands. Do not expect perfection of each other, perfection is only for God. Make your search for the good and the beautiful a common search. A good marriage evolves when two separate souls face life's pleasures and sadness in harmony, not in unison.
#7 Secular Opening
Marriage is dedication. You give yourself, your life and love, into the hands of the one you love. You do so trustingly and generously. By the same token, each of you receives a gift -- the life and love of the other. You receive this gift not only from the one you love, but also from the parents who brought you into the world and reared you and from the personal world of friends and family who are joined in friendship and faith in your marriage. Mark Twain once said that "a marriage makes two fractional lives a whole. It gives to two questioning natures a reason for living. It brings a new gladness to the sunshine, and a new fragrance to the flowers, and new beauty to the earth, a new mystery to life."
#8 Secular Opening
What greater joy is there for two souls than to join together to strengthen each other in all their endeavors, to support each other through all sorrow, and to share with each other in all gladness? We hope, too, that the meaning of the vows that Groom and Bride are about to share with one another will deepen as they discover the possibilities of their life together. This is a love which is not to be tarnished by common events, but which will flower both in deepest adversity and greatest joy. Everything in your marriage can manifest your love for one another as you let it grow with you. We ask that the radiant power which first brought you together be with you always. Love is stronger than your conflicts, bigger than life's changes, always inviting you to learn, to bloom, to expand, and grow.
#9 Secular Opening
Marriage Advice from Jane Wells (1886) Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. Believe the best rather than the worst. People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them. Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
#10 Secular Opening
Groom and Bride it is this day you make a giant step of courage, commitment, communication of your love, understanding, and growth. When a commitment this strong is made by two people, the force of that commitment, of that love, of that courage, reaches out and touches all of us around you, so that our lives are changed and we share a part of your love. Like a stone dropped in a small pond, the ripple of the love from this celebration extends and changes the world we live in. You are now taking into your care and keeping the happiness of the one person in all the world whom you love best. You are adding to your life not only the affection of each other, but also the companionship and blessing of a deep trust. You are agreeing to share strength, responsibilities, and love. In human history, we have not discovered a better way of life than sharing it together in love in a lasting and responsible way. This arrangement seems to meet our deepest human needs for love and companionship, for someone with whom we can share in an intimate and trusting way all the hopes, joys, and dreams of life. But real love is something beyond the warmth and glow, the excitement and romance, of being deeply in love. It is caring as much about the welfare and happiness of your partner as about your own. Real love is not total absorption into each other, it is looking outward in the same direction together. Love makes burdens lighter because you divide them. It makes joys more intense because you share them. It makes you stronger so you can be involved with life in ways you dare not risk alone.
#11 Secular Opening
To Be One With Each Other George Eliot (1819-1880) What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together to strengthen each other in all labour, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent unspoken memories
#12 Secular Opening
This marriage is an event in the lifetime of a love. Neither I, nor all society, can join these two lovers today. Only they can do what they have chosen. They are joining themselves, each to the other. As they find union with one another, they proclaim that union today and pledge its future. We, by our participation in this celebration, do but recognize and honor their intention to dwell together as husband and wife.
#13 Secular Opening
It is fitting to speak briefly about love. We live in a world of joy and fear and search for meaning and strength in the seeming disorder. We discover the truest guideline to our quest when we realize love in all its magnitudes. Love is the eternal force of life. Love is the force that allows us to face fear and uncertainty with courage. But, you must "be of love a little more careful than of anything." For the giving of yourself in love is difficult, for you must learn to give of your love without total submission of yourself. Therefore, in your giving, give your joy, your sadness, your interest, your understanding, your knowledge – all expressions that make up life. But in this giving, remember to preserve yourself – your integrity, your individuality. This is the challenge of love within marriage.
#14 Secular Opening
You have come here today from your varied life experiences to make public the commitment you have made, each to the other. You come to combine your two separate lives into one. Although you will be sharing one life, never forget: you are two separate people. Cherish and affirm your differences. Love each other. Keep your commitment primary. Together you will laugh and cry, be sick and well, be happy and angry, share and grow. Grow, sometimes together, sometimes separately, but toward each other, not away. Do not remain stagnant as love and life are always changing, always new. If you will ensure a healthy lasting marriage, always, always value each other. Although you will disagree, remember to respect each other’s feelings, needs and wants. And above all, never, never lose your sense of humor.
SPIRITUAL OPENINGS
#15 Spiritual Opening
Groom and Bride, in presenting yourselves here today to be joined in holy union, you perform an act of faith. This faith can grow and mature and endure, but only if you both determine to make it so. A lasting and growing love is never automatic, nor guaranteed by any ceremony. If you would have the foundation of your union be the love you have for each other, not just at this moment, but for all the days ahead, then cherish the hopes and dreams that you bring here today. Resolve that your love will never be blotted out by the commonplace nor obscured by the ordinary in life. Faults will appear where now you find contentment, and wonder can be crushed by the routine of daily living. Devotion, joy and love can grow only if you nurture them together. Stand fast in that hope and confidence, believe in your shared future just as strongly as you believe in yourselves and in each other today. In this spirit, can you create a partnership that will strengthen and sustain you all the days of your lives.
#16 Spiritual Opening Marriage is the clasping of hands, the blending of hearts, the union of two lives as one. Your marriage must stand, not by the authority of the state nor by the words of the minister, but by the strength of your love and the power of faith in each other.
#17 Spiritual Opening Groom and Bride, in presenting yourselves here today to be joined in marriage, you perform an act of faith. This faith can grow and develop and last, but only if you both decide to make it so. A lasting and growing love is not guaranteed by any ritual. If you would have the foundation of your marriage be the devotion you have for one another, not just at this moment, but for all the days to come, then treasure the hopes and dreams that you bring here today. Establish that your love will never be blotted out by the common nor obscured by the ordinary in life. Faults will surface where now you find comfort, and admiration can be shattered by the routine of daily life. Dedication, love, and joy can grow only when you nourish them together. Stand fast in that hope and confidence, having faith in your shared destiny just as strongly as you have faith in yourselves and in one another today. Only with this spirit can you forge a union that will strengthen and endure all the days of your lives.
#18 Spiritual Opening There is no greater gift than the love that makes two people one. To behold this love blossoming between two hearts is always a joy; and to behold the vows of lovers as they take each to the other, throughout all the changes of life, is a glorious moment of the soul. It speaks of the great conviction by which people mutually rely upon and believe in one another. In a world where faith often falls short of our expectation, it is a wonderful tribute to two people to see them joining hands and hearts in perfect faith. We are gathered to unite this man, Groom, and this woman, Bride, in marriage, which is an institution founded in nature, ordained by the state, sanctioned by the church, and made honorable by good men and women in all ages. It is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but discreetly, advisedly, and with due reverence. This celebration is the outward token of a sacred and inward union of hearts, which the church may bless and the state make legal, but which neither state nor church can create or annul, as this union is created by loving purpose and kept by abiding will. Into this legacy, these two lovers come to be united.
#19 Spiritual Opening To these two people, this marriage signifies the birth of a new spirit, a spirit which is a part of each of us, yet not of any one of us alone. This "birth of spirit" reminds us of Spring, the season when all life is reborn and looms again. It is appropriate, therefore, that this wedding of Groom and Bride be in the Spring, and that it be under the open sky, where we are close to the Earth and to the unity of life, the totality of living things of which we are part.
CHRISTIAN OPENING
#20 Christian Opening O gracious and ever-living God, you have created us male and female in your image. Look mercifully upon this man and this woman who come to you seeking your blessing, and assist them with your grace, that with true fidelity and steadfast love, they may honor and keep the promises and vows they make; through Jesus Christ our Savior, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
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